guess I realized my relationship with food was different the night I was cooking in the kitchen with Ronnie. I was telling him how excited I was to eat dinner. That I was almost drooling at the thought of it. I remember the meal exactly. Down to the spaces I used. I made this amazing macaroni and cheese. I took organic heirloom tomatoes and put them on top. I had made bread crumbs out of this amazing local sourdough. If you have ever had san luis sourdough then you might understand. I smothered those bread crumbs in so much butter. It was sinful and sexy. Yes. I said it. I had made southern fried chicken that night also and Paula Dean’s , “ not yo mamas banana cream puddin’” I can only describe this desert as heart stopping. In fact after a book club one night when my friend made this.. a woman had to go to the hospital. Once again I’m drooling. So I have explained to Ronnie, who is stoned out of his mind, how excited I am about the meal. That when I eat it I might cry.. and even stoned out of his head he said ( and I will never forget ) “ I have just never been that excited about a meal”
From that moment on I knew id be chubby. My whole life.
So what’s the point of that story? Well I’m now 27. married to a wonderful man and looking to start a family soon. The problem with all this is that I know because of medical issues my relationship with food has to change for me to have a shot at being a mom. So what now?
I was going to the gym before our wedding every day. I worked out 2 hours a day. And though I cut back on food portions slightly I know that with out 2 hours a day I would have gained 400 lbs. So now I have to find some kind of balance between being a wife, working full time, and the gym. I’m so scared.
I feel like I am doomed to this body and obsession with food. Somehow I have to over come it. I have to tell food that even though I love it.. we have to stop what we are doing when people are not looking. I have to stop.
Today I had a super healthy lunch, great dinner cooking, wonderful 2 hr work out today… but I keep thinking now about the bryers ice cream in our freezer.
How do I stop?
So from here on out. I’m simply committed to a new me. And being a better wife.. so if you see me around. Don’t say the word cake for a while.
you should probably know...
- not a pretty girl
- I've always been a cat person.. I've just never had a cat.
4 comments:
I can totally relate. I myself have always been "chunky" I have tried to balance weight loss and being a wife and working full time as well. I am currently in the same boat as you newly wed and wanting to have kids with in the next 2 years or sooner. The best advice that I can give you was also given to me.
"No, matter what you'll do in your life, being a mom is the most wonderful feeling ever, but being a mom that is over weight and cant do everything with their child doesn't make you a bad mom or person. Your children will love you no matter what you look like. But you have to remember that children are our future and resemble our actions and carry out our traditions and lifestyles."
When I heard that statement it hit me hard that I know no matter what my kids will always love me, but I do not want them to face the same struggles and confidence issues that I have faced.So, I guess what I am getting at is I wish you the best and what is motivating me to continue my mission in a lifestyle change to get healthly and stay that way is knowing that I can give for my kids and in return by doing more with them and teaching them the correct way to treat ones body is also going to boost my life and give it more meaning. If you ever need anything or someone to talk to I am always here.★
Nichole Shuman
nichole.. i loved that. and its so true. my prob is getting preg. i have something called pcos and unless i lose weight i dont know if i will be able to have kids. also.. i have gluten intolerance so eating any gluten while preg can make me miscarriage. i just have to learn.. i have to do this.. and trust me before i pick up the fork full of cake i will turn to one of you lovely ladies to tell me no!
So I made my own blog so I could comment on your's and now I realize it's probably only going to be about food. Can we talk about terrible television that we're obsessed with instead? Thats a much better idea I think...
Just as many people watch television as eat food anyways.
can't i talk about both??? i spent all day say watching the kardashians. amazingg. i get to see you soon!
Post a Comment